I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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