thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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