Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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