What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
