I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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