just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I would fuck him just for his dog
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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