tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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