drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
