this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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