how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
