So gin and wine won't be happening again
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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