My friends, they love my intelligence
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
