theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Randomize
