Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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