I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
