Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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