well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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