New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
