so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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