my vag is so smooth its legendary
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Even my vagina gasped.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
