why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
