i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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