The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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