I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
