I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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