you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
