I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
