they need to just BURY HIM!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
