Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
