That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.