Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
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I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF