Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
please come you make the beer taste better
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.