We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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