Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
the day after is always just damage control
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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