My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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