Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
