i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Randomize
