My liver just broke up with me...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
