Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
