i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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