You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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