at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
