i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Randomize
