What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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