my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
