I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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