they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
