Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
