I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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