if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
