wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
