how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
