Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
