She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
