i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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