it wasn't lemon gatorade
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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