is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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