I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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