He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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