just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
