I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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