Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
