I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
