we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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