remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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