i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I lost the right to judge tonight
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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