Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
