Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
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