Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
