He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
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It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
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His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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